Sunday, October 24, 2004
Have I <2>
Can't really be bothered to write a proper part2 to my previous entry. I guess its because my mind's been wandering alot lately.
It seems happy not to stay put. Maybe its just being too affected by the emotions, so it does whateva it pleases now... Go dead when it wants, or suddenly being active at the wrong time. Thats just gonna make my eyebags worse..
So I shan't say more on the topic of change. Nothing much anyway. But dissecting my feelings on the upcoming trip home.
Not sure if I miss home ornot. Perhaps I've been stuck in Perth for too long? Or maybe I'm just not sure of how I'd react to things back home.
What happens if I go back, & things there change? People change, my surroundings change. Thats life I guess, but just means I'll spend my summer trying 2 adapt to something that isn't as familiar as I'd thought.
Or what if I everything's the same, but I am different. Would it be another time of self-realisation? Would I find out that I've changed for the better or for worse?
Sighs, either way, its not gonna be easy to accept... I have a natural aversion to change. Most people do, except that they get so used to it, that they just accept it.
They go along with it, most of the time not knowing why. Thinking back, I've been like that too. Just following what seems to be acceptable, losing track of what I actually want. Losing sight of who I actually am.
Most of the time, I do seem to know myself, yet I never really translate that into action. Why? I'm not too sure. Perhaps its fear of rejection. Everyone just wants to be accepted right?
Enough said, can't be bothered to think about it anymore. Just gotta take things as they come, like I always do... Btw, I'm reaching S'pore on the 23rd! shhh, those who know my parents, keep this to urself k? Its a surprise~~
It seems happy not to stay put. Maybe its just being too affected by the emotions, so it does whateva it pleases now... Go dead when it wants, or suddenly being active at the wrong time. Thats just gonna make my eyebags worse..
So I shan't say more on the topic of change. Nothing much anyway. But dissecting my feelings on the upcoming trip home.
Not sure if I miss home ornot. Perhaps I've been stuck in Perth for too long? Or maybe I'm just not sure of how I'd react to things back home.
What happens if I go back, & things there change? People change, my surroundings change. Thats life I guess, but just means I'll spend my summer trying 2 adapt to something that isn't as familiar as I'd thought.
Or what if I everything's the same, but I am different. Would it be another time of self-realisation? Would I find out that I've changed for the better or for worse?
Sighs, either way, its not gonna be easy to accept... I have a natural aversion to change. Most people do, except that they get so used to it, that they just accept it.
They go along with it, most of the time not knowing why. Thinking back, I've been like that too. Just following what seems to be acceptable, losing track of what I actually want. Losing sight of who I actually am.
Most of the time, I do seem to know myself, yet I never really translate that into action. Why? I'm not too sure. Perhaps its fear of rejection. Everyone just wants to be accepted right?
Enough said, can't be bothered to think about it anymore. Just gotta take things as they come, like I always do... Btw, I'm reaching S'pore on the 23rd! shhh, those who know my parents, keep this to urself k? Its a surprise~~
# posted by emoboy @ 10/24/2004 01:00:00 am
