Saturday, October 30, 2004
quik update
kk, quik update, things done, doing, 2b done
1) busy trying not 2 study.... its weird how some1 can procrastinate so much, even tho he's well aware of wat he shd do
2)got back my ITL assignment... 20/25.... hmm... dunno wat 2 feel... tot I cover alot of stuff, expected to get much better, haha. my frnd got 21, so i maybe its juz dat huh?? Considering I only typed it the nite b4, despite my early prep, I should feel very contented.
3)DIE, less than a wk to exams, yet I haven started much... Need to stop activity 1, & start on activity 4.
4)STUDYSTUDYSTUDY!
5)Dreaming of the trip home on more than one occasion, haha. I'm a daydreamer, so cant be helped.
6)Muz achieve activity 4
7)Muz achieve activity 6
8)Muz achieve activity 7....
& the list goes on... hopefully wun die too soon.
1) busy trying not 2 study.... its weird how some1 can procrastinate so much, even tho he's well aware of wat he shd do
2)got back my ITL assignment... 20/25.... hmm... dunno wat 2 feel... tot I cover alot of stuff, expected to get much better, haha. my frnd got 21, so i maybe its juz dat huh?? Considering I only typed it the nite b4, despite my early prep, I should feel very contented.
3)DIE, less than a wk to exams, yet I haven started much... Need to stop activity 1, & start on activity 4.
4)STUDYSTUDYSTUDY!
5)Dreaming of the trip home on more than one occasion, haha. I'm a daydreamer, so cant be helped.
6)Muz achieve activity 4
7)Muz achieve activity 6
8)Muz achieve activity 7....
& the list goes on... hopefully wun die too soon.
# posted by emoboy @ 10/30/2004 02:12:00 am
0 comments
Sunday, October 24, 2004
Have I <2>
Can't really be bothered to write a proper part2 to my previous entry. I guess its because my mind's been wandering alot lately.
It seems happy not to stay put. Maybe its just being too affected by the emotions, so it does whateva it pleases now... Go dead when it wants, or suddenly being active at the wrong time. Thats just gonna make my eyebags worse..
So I shan't say more on the topic of change. Nothing much anyway. But dissecting my feelings on the upcoming trip home.
Not sure if I miss home ornot. Perhaps I've been stuck in Perth for too long? Or maybe I'm just not sure of how I'd react to things back home.
What happens if I go back, & things there change? People change, my surroundings change. Thats life I guess, but just means I'll spend my summer trying 2 adapt to something that isn't as familiar as I'd thought.
Or what if I everything's the same, but I am different. Would it be another time of self-realisation? Would I find out that I've changed for the better or for worse?
Sighs, either way, its not gonna be easy to accept... I have a natural aversion to change. Most people do, except that they get so used to it, that they just accept it.
They go along with it, most of the time not knowing why. Thinking back, I've been like that too. Just following what seems to be acceptable, losing track of what I actually want. Losing sight of who I actually am.
Most of the time, I do seem to know myself, yet I never really translate that into action. Why? I'm not too sure. Perhaps its fear of rejection. Everyone just wants to be accepted right?
Enough said, can't be bothered to think about it anymore. Just gotta take things as they come, like I always do... Btw, I'm reaching S'pore on the 23rd! shhh, those who know my parents, keep this to urself k? Its a surprise~~
It seems happy not to stay put. Maybe its just being too affected by the emotions, so it does whateva it pleases now... Go dead when it wants, or suddenly being active at the wrong time. Thats just gonna make my eyebags worse..
So I shan't say more on the topic of change. Nothing much anyway. But dissecting my feelings on the upcoming trip home.
Not sure if I miss home ornot. Perhaps I've been stuck in Perth for too long? Or maybe I'm just not sure of how I'd react to things back home.
What happens if I go back, & things there change? People change, my surroundings change. Thats life I guess, but just means I'll spend my summer trying 2 adapt to something that isn't as familiar as I'd thought.
Or what if I everything's the same, but I am different. Would it be another time of self-realisation? Would I find out that I've changed for the better or for worse?
Sighs, either way, its not gonna be easy to accept... I have a natural aversion to change. Most people do, except that they get so used to it, that they just accept it.
They go along with it, most of the time not knowing why. Thinking back, I've been like that too. Just following what seems to be acceptable, losing track of what I actually want. Losing sight of who I actually am.
Most of the time, I do seem to know myself, yet I never really translate that into action. Why? I'm not too sure. Perhaps its fear of rejection. Everyone just wants to be accepted right?
Enough said, can't be bothered to think about it anymore. Just gotta take things as they come, like I always do... Btw, I'm reaching S'pore on the 23rd! shhh, those who know my parents, keep this to urself k? Its a surprise~~
# posted by emoboy @ 10/24/2004 01:00:00 am
Friday, October 15, 2004
Have I? <1>
All started with a ICQ conversation I had in mid '03. Typing away in my room in Currie, with nothing 2 fill the temporary void I was in except the Internet. Sad, but true. It was my only means of contact with people at home. Friends I had a few then, but still too new. Everything was too new.
I had not sensed anything different about me, as I continued tapping on the keyboard. So much distance, yet my words conveyed something. Through this cold but effective way of communication, he could tell I was different.
He did not ask. He was sure, & so he told me that I had changed. His words were simple & precise, "You've changed, that's not so good".
Somehow, I was not all that surprised. I knew I wasn't radically different, but I wasn't how I used to be either. Perhaps it was the recent break-up, or a phase of adjustment 2Uni, or even just the freedom given to me in a foreign land.
It might have even been everything. The fact remained that I wasn't the same, or just that this other side of me resurfaced again. I was like a cocktail of negative thoughts & emotions. I viewed my surroundings through the eyes of a pessimist. That also gave me a gloomy sketch of the near future.
Made me think back on how I was before, during the time we knew each other in the army. How different I was back then. Army life was terrible not because of its monotony, or the endless work that had to be done.
It was so because we were treated like beings without pride & dignity. All we had was one another & we persevered. I was optimistic about things, because I knew these buddies would be there all the way.
I wasn't in such company back in mid '03. Everything was just too new & foreign. Yet it made me realise what I should do, or at least try to do. It was not easy to be optimistic though, not for me at least.
Nothing for me to feed on. Back in the days of 46SAR, the support I had fuelled my spirit & optimism... Now?? Dunno.... Time to look for something within myself I guess...
Shall continue this another day, this should b a part 1?? erm.. lets not make it a trilogy.... I'll continue & end it with another entry in a few days time...
I had not sensed anything different about me, as I continued tapping on the keyboard. So much distance, yet my words conveyed something. Through this cold but effective way of communication, he could tell I was different.
He did not ask. He was sure, & so he told me that I had changed. His words were simple & precise, "You've changed, that's not so good".
Somehow, I was not all that surprised. I knew I wasn't radically different, but I wasn't how I used to be either. Perhaps it was the recent break-up, or a phase of adjustment 2Uni, or even just the freedom given to me in a foreign land.
It might have even been everything. The fact remained that I wasn't the same, or just that this other side of me resurfaced again. I was like a cocktail of negative thoughts & emotions. I viewed my surroundings through the eyes of a pessimist. That also gave me a gloomy sketch of the near future.
Made me think back on how I was before, during the time we knew each other in the army. How different I was back then. Army life was terrible not because of its monotony, or the endless work that had to be done.
It was so because we were treated like beings without pride & dignity. All we had was one another & we persevered. I was optimistic about things, because I knew these buddies would be there all the way.
I wasn't in such company back in mid '03. Everything was just too new & foreign. Yet it made me realise what I should do, or at least try to do. It was not easy to be optimistic though, not for me at least.
Nothing for me to feed on. Back in the days of 46SAR, the support I had fuelled my spirit & optimism... Now?? Dunno.... Time to look for something within myself I guess...
Shall continue this another day, this should b a part 1?? erm.. lets not make it a trilogy.... I'll continue & end it with another entry in a few days time...
# posted by emoboy @ 10/15/2004 11:40:00 pm
Saturday, October 02, 2004
Clarification~~~
Varied responses to my last entry. Most of it being compliments. Guess every1 misses the old Adrian who'd share his tots ar? hehe. Anyway, had some pple not agreein with what I wrote.
I don't think my views are absolute truth, but I do wanna clarify some things I've said. I'm not holding an extreme viewpoint here, because there's juz too much grey areas in life.. erm... my life at least....
Altho the title of the previous entry was 'Silence', I wasnt trying to put down the extroverts. Don't be mistaken, coz all I did was write the tots I had from a particular incident, & what I had learned about myself.
I'm not saying that the outspoken are all superficial, insincere & scheming liars. I wasnt implying that all quiet & shy people were great listeners. The traits that I mentioned in my last entry were merely drawn from a personal experience.
I'm not condoning introverts, & unfriendliness. An extreme introvert juz deprives himself of friends. He'll never see things from other pple's point of view, coz he only wants 2 live in his own world & comfort zone.
The outspoken and confident express themselves clearly & articulately. If you noticed, when dealing with the slightly more reserved, such confidence would be make the other party feel uncomfortable. One of the innumerable reasons being the fact that it could be overbearing. Wouldnt this make it less likely for him/her to open up? Conversely, such confidence could also attract the like-minded, rite?
I have absolutely nothing against people who are more outgoing & outspoken than me. I can't expect every1 2b the same can I? I was merely pointing out the fact that the source of an outgoing personality can be so twisted. How it can used as a tool to not only hide one's insecurities, but also to hoodwink others with flattery.
The point is, who ever you are, whatever your personality, juz be yourself. There's no point in trying 2b some1 you are not. Some girs like quiet & shy boys, & some boys like quiet & shy girs rite?? haha~~~ so dun fret~~~
Alright, seriously, just be who you are. Whatever personality you portray, do it for the right reasons. If you're not outgoing & friendly, dont dismay, coz its just the same. You have strengths in other areas.
PS: I dun practice all that I preach... its not easy ok!
I don't think my views are absolute truth, but I do wanna clarify some things I've said. I'm not holding an extreme viewpoint here, because there's juz too much grey areas in life.. erm... my life at least....
Altho the title of the previous entry was 'Silence', I wasnt trying to put down the extroverts. Don't be mistaken, coz all I did was write the tots I had from a particular incident, & what I had learned about myself.
I'm not saying that the outspoken are all superficial, insincere & scheming liars. I wasnt implying that all quiet & shy people were great listeners. The traits that I mentioned in my last entry were merely drawn from a personal experience.
I'm not condoning introverts, & unfriendliness. An extreme introvert juz deprives himself of friends. He'll never see things from other pple's point of view, coz he only wants 2 live in his own world & comfort zone.
The outspoken and confident express themselves clearly & articulately. If you noticed, when dealing with the slightly more reserved, such confidence would be make the other party feel uncomfortable. One of the innumerable reasons being the fact that it could be overbearing. Wouldnt this make it less likely for him/her to open up? Conversely, such confidence could also attract the like-minded, rite?
I have absolutely nothing against people who are more outgoing & outspoken than me. I can't expect every1 2b the same can I? I was merely pointing out the fact that the source of an outgoing personality can be so twisted. How it can used as a tool to not only hide one's insecurities, but also to hoodwink others with flattery.
The point is, who ever you are, whatever your personality, juz be yourself. There's no point in trying 2b some1 you are not. Some girs like quiet & shy boys, & some boys like quiet & shy girs rite?? haha~~~ so dun fret~~~
Alright, seriously, just be who you are. Whatever personality you portray, do it for the right reasons. If you're not outgoing & friendly, dont dismay, coz its just the same. You have strengths in other areas.
PS: I dun practice all that I preach... its not easy ok!
# posted by emoboy @ 10/02/2004 06:49:00 pm
