Thursday, April 22, 2004
so sick.............
sighs... getting sick of life as it is...... seriously think I'm about to enter into some kinda quarter-life crisis. almost every min of the day, my minds being bogged by this daze..... "wat the hell am i doing?" "why in the world am I where I am now??"
perhaps juz another depression mood... hopefully 1 that'll go away soon...
Dun u get bother by these tots?? Suddenly, life's gonna change as I noe it... I'm gonna step out into the cruel world in a few yrs time, trying to live by the rule of "survival of the fittest", and start to wonder, is life gonna be like dat 4eva?? isnt there something that can be done differently??
When I realised that its juz me against everything else, I begin to resign to my fate.... perhaps thats all life is about.... where can I head to?? Does it matter? Juz go with the flow, or go against it and die trying......... There are pple who've chose not to let life get the better of them.... Yet, not every1 manages to do so.....
Its 23yrs of emotional and mental shackles to break..... Beliefs and values that were once so true, but so obsolete now... Its no longer juz the survival of the fittest but also of the smartest & of the most cunning. Where would humility, sincerity and honesty ever fit in?
And how can any1 ever clearly draw the line between having principles, and being plain stubborn? How would I ever noe that if I change, I'm actually actually for the better? Whos to say its not for the worse? Whos to judge me? My peers, outsiders, or my own conscience......... How can I even trust myself, when I might be trying to justify my reluctance to step outta my comfort zone with the phrase "I chose to be myself". Change they say, but never would they speak of the reason to it....
Its getting on my nerves.... makes me even more grouchy than ever..... juz dun feel like interacting at all..... If u ever see me, and I dun look good, juz pretend everything's alright and its still fine to say "hi" k? Juz cut all the patronising small tok.... Not that I dun feel like toking, or have anythign personal against any1, but its juz me.....
Think I'm losing my pt here..... guess juz another load of ramblings from my empty mind.......
perhaps juz another depression mood... hopefully 1 that'll go away soon...
Dun u get bother by these tots?? Suddenly, life's gonna change as I noe it... I'm gonna step out into the cruel world in a few yrs time, trying to live by the rule of "survival of the fittest", and start to wonder, is life gonna be like dat 4eva?? isnt there something that can be done differently??
When I realised that its juz me against everything else, I begin to resign to my fate.... perhaps thats all life is about.... where can I head to?? Does it matter? Juz go with the flow, or go against it and die trying......... There are pple who've chose not to let life get the better of them.... Yet, not every1 manages to do so.....
Its 23yrs of emotional and mental shackles to break..... Beliefs and values that were once so true, but so obsolete now... Its no longer juz the survival of the fittest but also of the smartest & of the most cunning. Where would humility, sincerity and honesty ever fit in?
And how can any1 ever clearly draw the line between having principles, and being plain stubborn? How would I ever noe that if I change, I'm actually actually for the better? Whos to say its not for the worse? Whos to judge me? My peers, outsiders, or my own conscience......... How can I even trust myself, when I might be trying to justify my reluctance to step outta my comfort zone with the phrase "I chose to be myself". Change they say, but never would they speak of the reason to it....
Its getting on my nerves.... makes me even more grouchy than ever..... juz dun feel like interacting at all..... If u ever see me, and I dun look good, juz pretend everything's alright and its still fine to say "hi" k? Juz cut all the patronising small tok.... Not that I dun feel like toking, or have anythign personal against any1, but its juz me.....
Think I'm losing my pt here..... guess juz another load of ramblings from my empty mind.......
# posted by emoboy @ 4/22/2004 10:28:00 pm
